Can Emotional Ties Keep Your Home From Selling?

It’s one thing to say you’re ready to sell your home, but’s another to really mean it. We may intellectually recognize an advantageous market cycle or know in our heart that “it’s time.”

The true decision to sell, however, is one that is much like a light switch that exists in our heads…we truly know we’re ready when that switch is flipped on. 

Energetic and Emotional Connectedness

A few years ago we helped a client named Sarah sell her home of more than three decades. Prior to her husband’s passing, the couple had identified this home as their “forever home,” and within its walls it held many memories.

The couple had remodeled the kitchen a decade earlier to her exact specifications, replaced the windows, and installed a new roof with a 50 year shingle. The yard was meticulously kept, beautifully decorated, and lovingly appointed. They spared no expense. 

In placing the home on the market, Sarah was very conscientious and wanted to price it fairly. She studied the comparable sales data alongside us and we agreed on an asking price suited for a well-kept home with a golf course view.

Naturally, as with most homeowners, the number represented only fair market value as determined by current purchasers and lenders; in no way could it take into account the amount of love and emotional investment the client had poured into it over the years. 

Our Emotions Are More Powerful Than We May Realize

Despite a steady stream of showings and regular inquiries about the property, Sarah’s home was yet to receive an offer. One prospective buyer after another commented on how lovely the home was, how it had obviously been cared for, and that the pricing was fair. So, why wasn’t it selling? 

This went on for a few months until one day I met with Sarah at her home. We sat together in the living room sipping coffee and discussing the possible options for making the home more appealing to the market.

It was at this moment that it became apparent. Sarah simply wasn’t ready. It was evident in her tone, her posture, and her energy that she was still emotionally connected. 

Sarah Still Had Some Work to Do

While most real estate related discussions are about staging furniture, making the home appear less personalized, decluttering, and of course, pricing, this one needed to be different.

This conversation needed to address the energy – the emotional ties still binding Sarah to this house. She would first need to let go and say goodbye.

This meant releasing the energetic connection, the protective barrier preventing others from being able to see, feel, or experience themselves living in the home. 

I gave Sarah some homework that day. It wasn’t typical real estate homework and I wasn’t really sure it would work, but it was worth a try. After all, nothing else seemed to be effective so far. 

Sarah’s assignment was to go from room to room in her home and say goodbye to each space. She was to pay particular attention to the locations where the memories were especially strong and where she felt an emotional connectedness.

One such space was her living room. Near the fireplace was a leather chair that had belonged to her late husband. It had been a gift from Sarah. When she glanced toward the chair it was as if he was still present in the room with us.

Sarah’s eyes would water and she would hold back tears as she reminisced about the deep conversations they had once shared while he sat in his beloved reading chair. 

While a bit unorthodox, Sarah agreed to the tasks I assigned to her. She said she would make an effort to say goodbye over the following few days, blessing each room and space as she released them to the next owners – whomever they might be.

We also placed a statue of St. Joseph in the front flower bed for good measure – a symbol she was ready to move on and a prayerful moment allowing the release of material connectedness to the home.

Both of us knew, however, that the spiritual connectedness to the many memories would never fully fade. 

Saying Goodbye Isn’t Always Easy

Our homes can hold within them strong emotional ties. Saying goodbye sometimes means letting go of long held traditions and family rituals.

Holiday gatherings may need to be reimagined and the incremental penciled measurements of children and grandchildren as they grew tall over the decades may require a fresh coat of paint. 

Homes can also be experienced as representations of who we are, who we have been, or who we saw ourselves becoming. For example, Sarah and her husband thought they would live together in their “forever home” for many years to come.

Sadly, health challenges shortened the life of Sarah’s husband and left Sarah to manage a large home alone. Sarah’s children lived in other states and most of her friends had their own health and age-related challenges.

And while Sarah felt somewhat responsible, obligated even, to honor the goals she and her late husband had set decades earlier, her physical capabilities left her questioning her ability to do so. 

Energy, Emotion, and Letting Go

There is no question that energetic and emotional connectedness to a home can impede the sales process. We have seen it time and time again, even in a strong seller’s market.

A home that’s presumably priced right and well staged just isn’t selling. But once the homeowner allows herself permission to say goodbye, opening her heart and mind to the idea (and expectation) that someone else can gain the same or equal enjoyment from her current dwelling, the home sells. It’s often that simple. 

This was certainly true for Sarah. Within days of her emotional release exercise, the home was shown to a family who wrote a strong offer to purchase. Sarah took a deep breath and let out a huge sigh.

She then said before signing the contract, “This is the right thing. This is the right family. I am ready to move on. I am at peace.” 

She had flipped the switch. Now she was ready.

If you or someone you know would like a complimentary downsizing coaching appointment, give us a call at 405.708.7010.