Living to 100: Couples Planning Ahead for Smaller Spaces

More couples are making the decision to downsize into smaller spaces following retirement.

Whether trading larger multi-level homes for apartment living, or saying goodbye to oversized lots in favor of small maintenance free yards, senior homeowners in Oklahoma City and around the country are on the move. 

Wondering what is motivating this trend? Read on….

The Research

Believe it or not, there is a fair amount of academic research on the topic of what is referred to as “residential reasoning”.

Based on these studies, there is little doubt that the older we get, decisions about where and how we live become more complex.

The increasing difficulty stems from a variety of factors, but two stand out: 1) Being coupled, and 2) Not knowing just how long we will live.

The Dilemma

Research reveals that people who tend to think their days are numbered will stay put and wait it out, while those who recognize they could very likely live to a ripe old age will entertain other more suitable living options. 

This makes perfect sense, right? Why go to all the trouble of moving and getting adjusted to a new place if you only have a short time to enjoy it.

On the other hand, if you are going to live for several more years or decades, it may make more sense to plan for longevity. 

You see the dilemma. None of us have a crystal ball, so we can’t really know what our future holds.

It’s all a best guess. Or is it?

Statistics show that an otherwise healthy 80-something can very likely live to be 100. 

Family History 

Retired couples we talk with who are looking ahead say that having had the experience of caring for aging parents themselves has influenced their decision about whether to go ahead and downsize now. 

“Part of our reason for moving to a retirement community was the fact that my mother-in-law had to be moved to a nursing home when she was 90 years old.  It was a burden, really a burden.  We both decided we didn’t want our kids to have to go through that,” said Stan A. 

Moving on their own terms, before physical or cognitive problems arise, is an attempt at breaking the cycle of guilt that families may experience when having to place older members in longterm care centers (a.k.a. Nursing homes). 

“I have never been able to forgive myself for putting my mom in a nursing home. I will not allow my own kids to carry such a heavy load. We’re making these decisions for ourselves now so they know we were the deciders,” said Joane T. 

Love

So, what’s love got to do with it? Apparently, a lot. When it comes to decisions about whether to stay put or simplify, future concerns for the other person are paramount. 

“I just wanted to make sure that Abigail’s satisfied. Everywhere we moved I wanted to make sure that that’s where she wanted to be for the rest of her life. Like I said, I’m only going to be here for maybe five more years, nobody knows. She’s up in age too so she needs somewhere that’s safe; somewhere that’s comfortable and a place that has good activity and people around,” said Martin J. 

Questions of how a spouse or partner will manage, should they be left to do it alone, is a significant factor when deciding not only if or when to relocate, but also where. 

Caregiving

Physical or cognitive decline in one spouse usually means the household responsibilities fall to the other. With this in mind, some couples elect to preemptively downsize. 

“As my breathing got worse, I knew that things were going to get harder. We decided to go ahead and move to a smaller place where the yardwork was handled. I wasn’t excited about moving, but it also wasn’t fair for me to expect her to do it all,” said Raymond L. 

Caregivers, male and female alike, admit the emotional and physical strain wears on them over time. For some, a residential change becomes necessary. 

“I couldn’t leave the house without worrying about her. Her dementia got so bad she was repeating the same question five or six times. I knew I couldn’t do everything myself anymore and we had to move. I just wish we had done it sooner and it may not have been so hard on her,” Bruce C.  

Timing

As the baby boomer generation ages, senior living developers in Oklahoma (and the rest of the country) struggle to keep up with demand.

This is true at every level including active adult neighborhoods, independent senior living apartments, assisted living and memory care. This is to say nothing of the shortage of longterm care and skilled nursing beds. 

“Being in our late 70’s we thought we were too young to move to a CCRC. But when looking ahead, we knew we wanted to live in a specific community and were concerned about escalating move-in costs. By moving sooner, we will actually save money.  It was about peace of mind,” said Ralph S. 

Couples planning for the future know that as demand increases in the Oklahoma City metro over the next two decades, so will pricing, especially at the most desirable residential communities. Those already residing at such places will experience incremental fee increases, but not the hikes new applicants will most certainly encounter.

Living to 100

As more couples live into their 90s and 100s, a new paradigm is necessary. Whether it be considering alternative housing options or creating new and innovative in-home support networks, change will absolutely be required. 

Such changes may not necessarily be easy. But as they say, “Anything worth doing rarely is.”

If you or someone you know would like a complimentary downsizing coaching appointment, give us a call at 405.708.7010.