While it is estimated that 1 in 6 women, and 1 in 10 men, who live past the age of 55 will develop dementia in their lifetime, few families have planned for where they will live or how they will manage care should they or a loved one begin showing symptoms.
(Learn more about facts and figures concerning Alzheimer’s Disease specifically).
Dementia is an overall term for a particular group of symptoms.
The characteristic symptoms of dementia are difficulties with memory, language, problem‐solving and other thinking skills that affect a person’s ability to perform everyday activities. Dementia has many causes. Alzheimer’s disease is the most common cause of dementia.
Plans Can Change
“We planned to live in our home together for the rest of our lives,” said Tom. “But I just can’t continue doing this. I need more help. It’s become impossible.”
This sentiment is being shared all across America as people struggle with the best way to deal with dementia.
Sometimes it’s the increased short-term memory loss that’s the tipping point, or it could be the need for help with things like bathing, dressing, transportation, and preparing meals.
“I can’t leave the house now. When I do, she calls me every couple of minutes because she forgets where I told her I was going,” said Tom. “I wasn’t planning to retire, but now I may have no choice. She needs someone here all the time and won’t let me hire help.”
In most situations the signs of dementia progress slowly.
Once diagnosed, treatment can help to stave off rapid decline and may even offer hope of remission.
When symptoms begin to worsen, however, hard decisions must be made.
Relocating May Be Unavoidable
For most, staying put is the option of choice. Some hire outside help to manage household chores and personal care needs. Just this support can be a huge relief for a spouse or other family caregiver.
Friends, neighbors and family members can sometimes keep an eye on things, but only if informed of the circumstances.
Unfortunately, most people don’t approach the subject of relocation until the situation reaches the point of being unmanageable.
At this stage it’s no longer a conversation, it’s more of a debate. It’s certainly not a discussion anyone looks forward to, so it is put off until it can no longer be avoided.
The decision to move may be made out of necessity. In this case, one might wonder if it’s really a decision at all.
Nonetheless, plans are put into place for finding a suitable place to live, selecting and moving essential household items, and saying goodbye to the current residence.
Finding the Right Place
“We wanted to stay together and that was our plan. We moved to a retirement community having various levels of care, so that when she or I need the extra help, we can get it close by,” said Winston. “I figure I can still see her every day by just walking a few short steps. As far as she is concerned, we’ll still live in the same house, our bedrooms will just be farther apart.”
Not everyone has the means to move into a continuing care retirement community (CCRC) like the one Winston and his wife selected, but those who do are deciding to move sooner than later to take advantage of the “life care” advantages.
Financial constraints can make memory care options more limited.
Communities catering to those with cognitive impairments can be both expensive and limited on space, making it challenging for couples to stay together.
On the positive side, these locations typically have highly trained staff who understand how to care for those with dementia.
Adult day health centers are available in most areas allowing for caregivers to continue working while their loved one is safe and socially engaged.
These are more affordable and usually accept clients with limited income.
Selecting and Moving Familiar Household Items
Moving can be an overwhelming experience for those dealing with dementia.
Routine and rituals are upset during the relocation process which can increase stress and anxiety.
Confusion is common, especially in those in later stages of the disease process. Moving familiar items, regardless of aesthetic appeal can be helpful.
Patience
Family members can help alleviate this stress by being patient as those with short term memory loss attempt to make decisions about their belongings.
Ultimately, however, if the memory loss is too pronounced, others must make final decisions about such matters. This can be more stressful for caregivers than for those with the disease.
Re-Creating “Home”
Leaving a longtime residence can be a very emotional experience under the best of circumstances.
When dementia is the reason for the move, this can be even more difficult.
By engaging your real estate professional and move management teams early in the process, they can serve as strong support systems for the entire family.
Create a similar “homelike” environment in the new residence quickly, using photos, decor, and furnishings. This will make routines and rituals easier to re-establish.
Reducing Decision Fatigue
If a family member is the durable power of attorney for someone with memory issues, they can be included on the good days and others can conduct business on their behalf on the not-so-good days.
“It’s important to begin the conversation early,” says senior living consultant, Julie Davis. “Better to have a plan than to make decisions during a time of crisis or when emotions are high.”
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